| i will not be deleting this journal. add me if you like. |
[27 Aug 2006|02:25pm] |
THE TOUCH
Anne Sexton
For months my hand had been sealed off
in a tin box. Nothing was there but subway railings.
Perhaps it is bruised, I thought,
and that is why they have locked it up.
But when I looked in it lay quietly.
You could tell time by this, I thought,
like a clock, by its five knuckles
and the thin underground veins.
The hand had collapsed,
a small wood pigeon
that had gone into seclusion.
I turned it over and the palm was old,
its lines traced like fine needlepoint
and stictched up into the fingers.
It was fat and soft and blind in places.
Nothing but vulnerable.
And all this is metaphor.
An ordinary hand––just lonely
for something to touch
that touches back.
The dog won’t do it.
Her tail wags in the swamp for a frog.
I’m no better than a case of dog food.
She owns her own hunger.
My sisters won’t do it.
They live in school except for buttons
and tears running down like lemonade.
My father won’t do it.
He comes with the house and even at night
he lives in a machine made by my mother
and well oiled by his job, his job.
The trouble is
that I’d let my gestures freeze.
The trouble was not
in the kitchen or the tulips
but only in my head, my head.
Then all this became history.
Your hand found mine.
Life rushed to my fingers like a blood clot.
Oh, my carpenter,
the fingers are rebuilt.
They dance with yours.
They dance in the attic and in Vienna.
My hand is alive all over America.
Not even death will stop it,
death shedding her blood.
Nothing will stop it, for this is the kingdom
and the kingdom come.
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) subwayrailings
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| feel the matress tense beneath me like the muscle of nonsleep |
[25 Aug 2006|10:49pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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mushaboom - feist |
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the summer is fading along with my freckles. they run and hide when the cold creeps up.
today i spent roughly nine hours in a hospital waiting room. i felt like only about twenty minutes though because i was reading catcher in the rye and le petit prince, switching books whenever i got bored of one. i was surrounded by really cute children with big eyes and obnoxiously cute voices. i feel asleep on my mom's shoudler a few times.
i try really hard to get along with my mum lately, i really do, but she makes it so difficult. she manifactures fights out of thin air.
i have not been drawing but i have been writing. and taking pictures until the camera died..
i am thinking of making a new livejournal. in the way that i already made it and am in the process of making it all pretty. ill inform y'all soon.
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| there's a low moon caught in your tangles |
[23 Aug 2006|01:24am] |
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mood |
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it's late |
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music |
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architecture in helsinki - scissor paper rock |
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some people are just so beautiful.
i have this friend and he is the city at night. he watches sunsets from rooftops. he is just so tortured and lovely. and i wish the people who were such beautiful wonderlands inside their minds wouldnt always always be so ruined outside, and always the most messed up and sensitive. the world is sucha tough place full of everything wrong where we're burying ourselves in discarded paper cups from starbucks and too many people on too many cellphones with too many fake tans who dont care about the beauty in raindrops and sunlight through trees, and tiny dark children all around the world have their skeletons showing through their skin.
and they let the world break them, these people.
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| and the rest is rust and stardust |
[19 Aug 2006|08:36pm] |
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music |
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i will follow you into the dark |
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nothing can ruin my good mood lately, throughought the last few weeks. even these days of sitting at home all alone doing nothing and seeing no one, (which thankfully have finally come to an end as my friends are coming back from camp and israel and vacations.)
it is such an icredible feeling.
yesterday i fell asleep on my dad's shoulder while watching tv. it was sweet.
i saw pirates of the carribean two. and enjoyed it. i didnt think it was overkill at all. it was like.. like a really great fanfiction come true. with johnny depp, which of course makes everymovie instantly better. johnny depp with dreadlocks and eyeliner, no less. it makes me happy that none of my friends liked it much, actually.
i have also seen: charlie and the chocolate factory, zoolander, brick, and lolita. all of which were very lovely.
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[16 Aug 2006|11:35pm] |
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music |
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the mountain goats |
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i wish people told me secrets.
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[15 Aug 2006|01:39am] |
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it's too hot.
the house is alive with sounds and voices and somewhere lamps are on, invading my room with their unwelcome light. on any other night it would be darkdarkdark and i could see the big dipper from my bedroom window, but tonight the sky is light and faintly purple againt the black trees and the silhouettes of power lines.
i cant sleep.
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[13 Jul 2006|10:23am] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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pitter patter goes my heart - broken social scene |
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i find updating this journal really intimidating..
there is something about swimming pools that always makes me feel like a little kid. (most of the time it all feels so very far away, like fading dusty old photographs of scenes of me building tents out of blankets in the living room, looking out my window at night and wondering how the whole world could be so alive and so silent at once, secretly staying up late in my bedroom with the nightlight on to play barbies. even if i feel like i'm still sortof childish.)
when i swim i remember all over again tummy aches from swallowing too much chlorine, the way i used to prentend to be a mermaid underwater, trying to lie on the blue-tiled bottom of the pool and looking at the flourescent lights shining through the water from above. i never played with the other kids, and didnt pay that much attention to the swimming instructors. i always let myself get absolutely lost in my imagination, surrounding myself with figmental seaweed and beautiful merpeople with webbed fingers and flowing hair, evil bad-guys and water-monsters to be defeated. i miss the freedom that comes with a powerful imagination, but imaginary friends never satisfied me. (and i dont think i had many real ones as a kid.)
i miss people. and i am lonely.
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[16 Jun 2006|06:23pm] |
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mood |
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surreal |
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music |
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beautiful - scarling |
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( . . . )
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[13 Jun 2006|10:19pm] |
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music |
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we have got to take cover, brother.. |
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almost, almost free.
i can't wait i can't wait i can't wait! this summer will be too full of art and lovely old friends and wonderful new ones and cupcakes and swimming pools and merry-go-rounds. ♥
{ even if i do have to go back to that dreadful horrible loathsome place again next schoolyear. i wont let that bother me now. }
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[23 Apr 2006|06:44pm] |
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mood |
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antisocial |
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music |
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some death cab for cutie |
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school is lame and stressful and not fun. but long weeks off school is too much time to think, and i think too much as it is. i kind of wish i was in school this week, right now.
i've been feeling really weirdly randomly anxious lately. as in, i'll just be sitting around watching tv in my pajamas and allofasudden i get really nervous and crazy fast heartbeating.. its weird.
read:
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[18 Apr 2006|11:34am] |
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mood |
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hmm |
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music |
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tropical iceland - the fiery furnaces |
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i am so bored.
with nothing (but homework) to do and too much time to kill.
it's so lovely and sunny outside, i really should go out.
lie on the grass under the shadows of trees and read something pretty. im thinkin' fairy tales.
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| the frog prince |
[30 Mar 2006|12:13am] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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left and leaving - the weakerthans |
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[14 Mar 2006|07:36pm] |
drag queens, angels, and androgyny
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[14 Mar 2006|06:52pm] |
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( girls. )
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[24 Feb 2006|07:01pm] |
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mood |
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dull |
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music |
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such great heights - postal sevice |
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So I'm on spring break. Not in the way of whipped-cream-bikini contests, or even in the way where it's actually spring, but in the way where i have some time to sleep and read and draw and go to the Contemporary Art Museum. My lips are chapped&peeling and my fingernails are almost constantly a deadish purple color and the bottoms of all my jeans are soaked and kindof muddy from trudging through all the snow. But it's better than school (or staying at home), anything would be, and it's like I have going back there at the end of this week hanging over my head and driving me insane with anxiety. I dont even listen, and I dont talk very much. And I listen to everyone else's conversations float around, swirling and mingling in the air. And I wonder what it's like to live inside each and every one of their heads, with all their worries and gossip and problems. People tend to forget I'm there to the point where no one talks to me (except for goodgood friends), and when they do it's slightly shocking. I go there to fail tests and draw allover my homework, and stare out windows and daydream all day. Watching the clock. Copying songs lyrics from memory into my agenda. I'm pretty good though lately, alternating between all-out-happy and nothing-to-complain-about moods. Well not this minute maybe, but in general.
I have many things I've drawn, that even i like, and want to post, but as the scanner is still not plugged in, that's not really happening right now. I'm going to art camp this summer. Actually it's more like summer-school for art. I'm much more nervous than excited though. Hopefully my ridiculous shyness wont make me ruin it for myself.
I know I dont update here much, like at all, but I love livejournal because somewhere between all the PostSecret and photography and anne sexton poetry and music recommendations, I'm getting enough art and beauty to shut out all the waste and stupidity and war and abused babies and anorexic celebrities of the world.
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| fairytales |
[16 Dec 2005|04:38pm] |
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music |
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belle and sebastian |
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i have the worst headache ever, but at least i put my SNOWDAY!!! to good use.
even though this means that i didnt study at all and i'm probably going to fail my midterms..
i havent had a snowday in years.
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[11 Dec 2005|12:12am] |
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mood |
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tiiired |
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music |
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rent - la vie boheme |
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( +++ )
~*~*~*~*~
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